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About Digital Art / Professional Member Jacky23/Female/United States Recent Activity
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I'm Scared by SayurixSama
I'm Scared
Hello Everyone!!!! Long time no post. I hope you're all having a wonderful month/week/day on the count that it's October, Halloween Month and Halloween is tomorrow. Yay! Anyway, I wasn't sure whether to write this in a journal or a post like this, but I ended up drawing this yesterday and thought it would be the semi-perfectish way to give you all a little update on what's been going on and why it seems like I've just disappeared. So much has happened, and I don't know where to start....
  •  But I guess I'll start with first apologizing for the lack of Sailor Moon art I haven't been posting or making, I quite enjoyed making it but because I've been running into problems with people stealing my work and thinking it's ok to just make things without my permission or even giving me some of the profit on the count that I was the artist really bugs me, hurts my feelings and makes me unmotivated to make more. And it really sucks because I started making them for the purpose that I wanted to make better references for tattoo's but then I continued to make them for you my watchers, cause I loved seeing how you all used them into your own art and especially when I started posting just the line art so you all can practice your coloring if you wanted to or even just seeing how you all got creative with them is so much fun for me to see. BTW Thank You all for crediting me in your work when you use them, it means so much to me.
  • 2nd what's been going on with me and why I've sorta vanished. here goes... For the past year and 4 months my parents have been going through a very bitter divorce. And it's gotten worse with time. It started last year in June when a very big argument broke out between my family that ended with my Dad finally pushed to the edge, my youngest brother(24) moved out, and I left home for week. My brother moved from house to house until he finally found a sorta decent bedroom apartment, but my Dad and I had to continue to live in our house with my instigating Mother and her son(35), due to the fact that we had no where to go. At the moment I was going to school to help better my skills but had to drop because I didn't feel comfortable with my Dad being alone in a house with people out to get him. As time passed my Mother was spreading her dirty laundry around my whole family which led me to not being able to see my Tia's, Tio's, cousins, or even my grandmother for a while, my mother even told I wasn't welcomed around there anymore. Last year in December another argument broke out that forced me to get physical with my mothers son to protect my Dad, we left home again and didn't come home until a few days after the new year. Skipping up till April, by now both my parents had lawyers assisting them with their divorce, selling the house, and other things and I got a job at Kohl's that I really liked. In mid June was the final straw, another fight broke out just between me, my mother and her son, where they practically cornered me and bullied me, all this and more before I had to go to work that day. My father and I never went back to that house again (but we went to go get a few things). We crashed at my brothers place for a few days until we got our own room next door to him, which made me feel a bit better considering we were all together again. However, my recent fight led to me getting a restraining order against my brother and mother and them getting one against me. June was our hearing date, I've never been to court before so I was really nervous. It ended up being settled, my restraining order for my mothers son and his against me was granted but mine against my mother was denied, however my mothers son had her on his restraining order for protection as well, long story short I'm not allowed contact with my mother, and I haven't seen or spoken to her since that day, and even on that day she had nothing good to say to me. I ended being let go from Kohl's a few days before my 90 days for "not progressing fast enough" but I think that was just an excuse because before I was served with restraining order papers a sheriff went looking for me at my job on a day I was not there, which I'm pretty sure gave me a bad rep.
  • Finally the reason behind this piece and why I made it. I thinks it's self explanatory but... I'm scared. This past year has been a very bumpy one, and the years aren't going any slower. I'm currently unemployed and an artist starving for more. I feel like I should be doing more with my life, I feel like I should be were I want to be right now, I mean I want to more than anything. I'm scared I might never get there, and that I would have to settle for something I don't really want. I'm scared that years will pass and I'll still be in the same place. I've had major anxiety this whole year but the beginning of this week was really bad. I haven't really done anything creative since my parents divorce happened, for some reason I kinda lost it, and I'm scared I'll never find it again, even though this illustration is kinda bringing it back. I'm just scared of what the future holds for me, cause I don't know. I remember talking so big in college that I was going to quickly become a graphic designer/artist that everyone wanted to work with, but here I am just scared. Being creative is the only thing I'm good at, I know I'm not meant for an office job or something I don't really want to do, I've always know I was meant to do something more, something extraordinary. This is what I've wanted since high school. I don't know if this is just a part of my journey and that my ambition is just so strong that it makes me nervous, but I still continue to be scared. And don't know if there are other people out there who feel the same. I promise to always keep trying and to never give up because I never do on the things I really want, but for now...I'm scared.

sorry for the long update, just thought I'd vent a little. I'm trying my best to become a better person and artist, I just really hope things get better. And I would like to thank each and every one of you for all the favs, comments, watches, lama's etc. because despite my lack of activity, you guys really make me feel like I can do this. And one day I won't be scared anymore and it will be all thanks to you. Thank You! :heart:




Artist | Professional | Digital Art
United States
My name is Jacqueline, you may call me Jacky if you'd like. I am a Graphic Designer, one day I would like to own my own clothing line filled with all my graphics and creativity.

Current Residence: I live in a house
Favourite genre of music: I listen to whatever I think is good, but mostly Rock, I love hearing new music.
Favourite photographer: Jin
Favourite style of art: too many to choose, I like all types of art.
Operating System: My computer?
MP3 player of choice: ipod video mini with a Kuromi cover ^_^!!!
Favourite cartoon character: Sailor Moon & Stocking
Personal Quote: One day I will entertain the world with my bordom
1.Who's your Favorite Vocaloid?
I don't really follow what's going on in the vocaloid world anymore, but Kaito is pretty cute.

2.What things are you interested at?
Art, Music, graphic design, I have a wide selection of interests that is too much to just write down in a single sentence or even a paragraph.

3.Do you like DeviantArt? (Why?)
Of Course, it's really a cool place to share & appreciate art no matter what your style is.

4.Tell me one of your OC'S. Like Example:
I don't think I have one.

5.Are you sensitive?
Very. I am a Cancerian after all, plus I tend to feel a lot.

6.Do you have brothers or sisters? How many?
I do. I have 3 older brothers & 1 older sister, I'm the baby of my family.

7.Who is your OC'S friend/s from other cartoons or Anime?
Again I don't have one.

8.Are you a nourishing friend or a negative friend?
Nourishing. I treat all my friends like family and always let them know that they can come to me whenever they need help or just need to talk. I love my friends.

9.You like having a Premium Membership or not?
I don't have a premium membership, but would love to have one.

10.Do you find this fun?
Yeah, I like answering questions. :)
  • Listening to: Good Charlotte
  • Drinking: Green Tea

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Add a Comment:
codemlp2 Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2014
Thank you for the llama! Its much appreciated! <3
SayurixSama Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
No Problem, Thanks for the watch.
codemlp2 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014
No problem!
XD-COOL Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014
Thanks! Llama Gwomp - tastes good Thanks For The Llama Emote 
hotarubunny Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you so much for Llama jump Llama Hug 
21moon24 Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy birthday!
SayurixSama Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank You so much.:heart:
MysticStar-NiChan Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Happy Birthday! 
SayurixSama Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank You so much. :heart:
MysticStar-NiChan Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Student Digital Artist
No problem! Hope you enjoy it! 
SuperMarioSuperStar Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014   General Artist
Happy birthday, Jacky. :)
SayurixSama Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank You so much. :)
vicktoryu12 Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014
Thanks for the llama!
vicktoryu12 Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2014
Thanks for the favorites!
SayurixSama Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
You're Welcome! :heart:
vicktoryu12 Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2014
Also, happy almost birthday!
SayurixSama Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thank you, you're too sweet.:heart:
covert15 Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Thanks so much for the llama! Have a wonderful day and God bless you! :iconyuihugplz:
Bdazzle Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2014
Thank you for the Llama Badge :) 
SayurixSama Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
You're welcome, thank you for the watch. :)
Add a Comment: